If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
