so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
