Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
