You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize