Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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