"it" just moved
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
