If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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