i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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