Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Houston, we have a squirter
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I touched a dick in church today
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
