he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize