i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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