I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
