either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
