...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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