I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
