I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
