i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize