the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
