This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
