Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
