I wish I could teleport
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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