So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
