he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
