there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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