dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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