I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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