What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
