The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It was confusing and full of hummus
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
