We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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