I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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