i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize