dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
