your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
