turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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