It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
