Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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