defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
