Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
