Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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