Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
