so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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