I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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