WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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