Dual....:-)
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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