No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
