Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I forgot how hot balto sounded
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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