She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
