She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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