How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
