Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You made out with two different species that night
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
