her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize