Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
