The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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