Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
