he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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