It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
