DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So much rum. So many feels.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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