Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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