I need to stop coming to work sober
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize