Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
