Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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