it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
so much tequila, so little girl.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
