Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
