I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she peed on how many people?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
