k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
