let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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