why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
