Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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