I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
