phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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