I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize