He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
