Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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